People Shells
by Tha1n0nlYVoyGirl
Summary: Does Tom and B'Elanna really hate each other?


Title: People Shells  
  
Author: Tha1n0nlYVoyGirl  
  
Disclaimer: ST: VOY and everything belonging to Voyager is the property of Paramount.  
  
AN: Set in Season 2  
  
Rating: G  
  
Code: [VOY]  
  
POV: BLT , TP  
  
Angst  
  
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Love. The one thing I fear. People say they can't live without love. It seems I can't live with it.  
  
I guess my friendship with Harry holds one kind of love. But it's not friendly love I fear, it's the love you share in a relationship. The love you're supposed to share, that everyone expects you to share. I haven't had such a relationship.  
  
I've found people to love through life. Sure, I love them - but they don't love me.  
  
It's always been like that. From the day my father left till this day.  
  
In the Maquis I thought I'd found the love of my life in Chakotay, but I later realized that it was his friendliness that I had been in love with.  
  
It's probably just meant to happen that way. Some people aren't supposed to receive any love in life. Though everyone who's loved say that there's a perfect match out there for everybody, somewhere.  
  
But it's not like that. I'm one of those people who hasn't been loved much, and I'm definitely not loved right now.  
  
Those loved people say that you have to search for your match, I've searched. On Kessik IV, on Earth, in Starfleet, in the Maquis.  
  
I haven't found my match. Any I'm really doubting finding it here, in the DQ, aboard Voyager. If I won't fall in love with some attractive DQ alien. Hah! Like that's going to happen.  
  
But I was actually loved once. By one proud man. His pride drove him away. He couldn't stand fighting with my mother every day, he couldn't stand watching his only daughter grow up into a Klingon. So he left. I drove him away with my look, my temper. My father. My human father.  
  
But he did love me, from the day I was born to the day he left me with my crazy mother.  
  
That day was the day when his love finally ran out. I guess one man can't hold too much love for Klingons. And like I said, the day his love for me ran out, he left.  
  
I'll never be loved like that again.  
  
Especially not out here. How many possible mates are there on this ship?  
  
Not many, I tell you.  
  
My heart tells me different.  
  
It's been telling me about this man for some time... and it's not one my brain would choose.  
  
Tom Paris. the ship's don Juan.  
  
How big chance do I have there?  
  
To get love from that man?  
  
I doubt I've got any chance at all, and I won't humiliate myself trying to get a chance either.  
  
It's not use anyway. I can as well prepare to spend the rest of my life alone. I won't be loved. Not this time. As usual.  
  
I don't know why I like him. My heart hasn't been giving me any useful information. Like a good reason. All I know is that I'm in love.  
  
My heart doesn't agree with my head, it's hard fighting an inner war with yourself.  
  
That war hasn't been helping me either.  
  
I still don't know why I love him.  
  
I mean, it's not like he's got a whole bunch of good qualities that a potential mate should have.  
  
Kindness, honor, courage, such things.  
  
Well, he might have some kind of courage deep down.  
  
It'll have to take courage to go aboard a ship full of accusing Starfleet.  
  
It'll have to take courage keeping one's head high while walking through a room full of pissed Maquis. Or it might be pride, which made my father go away.  
  
Pride, to not stay in a house with one's angry wife and one's ugly daughter.  
  
Tom Paris might have courage. That and the looks.  
  
It's not enough.  
  
Honor? Nah.  
  
How full of honor is it trying to disguise one's interference in a fatal accident?  
  
In short; he's not a very good choice for a future mate.  
  
My brain's not satisfied. My heart is.  
  
For now, I'll listen to my brain.  
  
Besides, he doesn't notice me. He never will.  
  
That's why I'm afraid to love too much, to get too attached to someone, only to notice it's useless to love that person. Useless to love at all.  
  
I'm so afraid, and the only cure for my fear will be if Tom Paris love me back.  
  
Hah! He won't.  
  
I can compare the chance our love has got with the chance of Neelix finding a combined hedgehog/snake being at a barren planet.  
  
In other words; I've got about 1% chance of getting involved with Paris.  
  
I'll just have to face it, I'll die alone. Like I've been alone for half my childhood and my whole grown-up life.  
  
So alone.  
  
He won't notice me.  
  
Ever.  
  
My heart aches, it loves him so much! But I can't let my feelings show, that would be my fall.  
  
Instead I'll have to focus on his bad sides, quite many of them I hate already.  
  
Hopefully he won't notice anything.  
  
Ever.  
  
  
  
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Tom  
  
------  
  
Oh! She's so beautiful, strong and creditable.  
  
I seem to manage to run into her everywhere, at any time.  
  
Unfortunately she hates me. I can feel it.  
  
Her Klingon aura is beaming with black, strong hate.  
  
Hate towards me alone, towards Starfleet, toward anyone, everything.  
  
I've been interested in her since... I don't know.  
  
It's not like I can count the days or something.  
  
My feelings might even go back to those few Maquis days of mine. Who knows?  
  
I sure don't.  
  
She's just so attractive!  
  
But what chance have I got?  
  
I've definitely not got any honor of some kind. Courage? No, just 'The ol' Paris Pride'.  
  
"Always walk with your head high and your back straight."  
  
Some of my father's few words to me.  
  
I can't let her notice. Then she'll know about my weakness, she'll stab me in the back if she knew.  
  
Because she hates me.  
  
I'll put on another mask, a blank one this time. I won't show any feelings when she walks by, good or bad. Just a blank expression.  
  
She'll fall for it. Everybody else has.  
  
She'll fall for it.  
  
She'll have to fall for it.  
  
I hope.  
  
For ever.  
  
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